Dear Friends,
It has been a while since we have connected. My life took a little bit of a side turn the middle of January after experiencing a broken finger and subsequent surgery the end of January. Keyboarding one handed was a bit of a challenge and taking care of most things one handed kept me busy. I am so grateful that the hand that was out of commission for several weeks was my left hand, being I am righthanded. If you are wondering what happened, my brother’s very exuberant dog and my finger collided. One of those crazy accidents that afterwards you say, “what the heck happened there!”
These past 3 months have made me very aware of my hands, due to the extra effort in house/animal chores and rehab at home being a daily and hourly task. I am so appreciative of my hands now in a way I was not before. I did not know that a finger injury could be such a task in getting better. However, my desire to have a fully functioning hand again was and continues to be an important goal. Gardening season has commenced and it has been dispiriting not being able to walk both my dogs at once. I was shocked when the first cast came off and after only 2 weeks of having my fingers and wrist in a snug splint to keep my finger from moving, I experienced a very skinny chicken leg looking forearm which was a bit shocking and maybe a little humbling.
The good news was that I could still participate in my nursing and energetic healing work. I have developed the ability over the years to put my own discomfort aside to be of service to others. However, once the healing sessions or other work were completed, I stepped back into my experience of my injury. I admit, there were several moments along this path, when I was very discontent with this journey. Luckily, I had a hand therapist who was a captive audience and perhaps a couple of friends as well!
Homeopathy, energy and body work, have helped in the healing tremendously. As a nurse, energetic healer and intuitive, I know healing can happen quickly and at times instantly. I have experienced this several times in my own life. However, it became apparent to me, this particular path was to play itself out on its own time frame. And as in most things in life, it is not about how fast we get to our destination but more about the journey along the way.
So why am I sharing this with all of you? Throughout the most difficult part of the journey, I became aware of a part of me that was somehow attached to my suffering. I know compared to a lot of people’s current experiences this one might seem insignificant, but pain and discomfort on a daily basis can wear a person down a bit. I pondered on this attachment to suffering and delved deeper into the roots of what this was about. I found myself wanting people to know what I was going through, like somehow, their witnessing made my situation a bit more tolerable. And the truth is, we all need other people when we go through hard times. I’m not trying to minimize this for myself. But I wanted to dive deeper into this feeling that the suffering was needed on some level.
I looked at my family history, particularly the women in my family, and realized there was true suffering with them. Life was hard. My grandmother on my mother’s side had to get up during the wee hours of the morning to chop wood and start a fire. They had no other source of heat and she had 6 children to keep warm. My mother had 4 children and worked full time and took care of the household tasks, cooking and cleaning. I’m sure the women on both sides of the family had many burdens that drew their attention from the moment they arose in the early hours of the morning. The men in my family had to work in mills and factories and experienced their own level of suffering.
This pattern of suffering is an energetic force that was passed down through these family members and ancestors. The satisfaction of having their suffering witnessed and empathized with, was never going to happen. Their tasks in life were just expected of them and many others were in the same boat. I have my own version of this, but overall my life is so much easier than any of the woman who lived in the generations before me. I am blessed with more time, space and freedom that was only a concept to them. However, this force lived inside of me wanting to be satisfied. My finger/hand represented a burden in my life that made my life difficult and gave an outlet for this energetic expression of suffering to surface and be healed.
We carry within us the physical, emotional and spiritual patterns of our ancestors. When one generation does not heal an imbalanced pattern, it gets passed down to future generations until someone has an “ AHA” moment and finally sees the imbalance for what it is. Then the pattern can be transformed into something more constructive and hopefully more fulfilling and fun. I have been pondering that as long as I carry within me this need to have suffering witnessed, I will have a need to create situations to be witnessed. The healing had to play itself out fully so that I could understand this pattern and transmute it.
Things are going to happen in life that are difficult and painful. I’m not saying that I am never going to experience anything sad or challenging again. As long as we are on this earth there will be more lessons to learn and things to keep us on our toes, so to speak. However, this specific lesson I will not have to experience in this way again. I will not have to hold onto something longer than it needs to be held onto, in order to have my suffering witnessed. I have a grasp on it now, pardon the pun. And this frees up energy to create something more pleasing that I can share with others.
My desire in sharing this with you, is to suggest that you look inside yourself and see if you are carrying your own version of this pattern. Anytime, we feel victimized by anything, we are carrying an energy of suffering we are wanting witnessed. If you find yourself in a painful divorce, or health crises, or financial situation that seems intolerable, then perhaps there is a pattern that needs to be healed within you that was passed down in your family lineage. Is there a pattern of relationships not working, or jobs failing or a specific health issue that keeps surfacing through the generations? If so, ask yourself, what is wanting to be healed here? Why is this suffering still having the need to be witnessed? Can I stop this suffering now, and create a new pattern that is healthier and hopefully more fulfilling?
And in the meantime, as you are going along in your journey, be kind to yourself. By all means, find people to share your suffering and discomfort with who can hold a sacred space with you. And at the same time, go deeper into yourself to discover the real source of the suffering. Counselors and energetic healers are a wonderful resource to help point out and shift patterns that are deeply ingrained in us. Just by looking at our own family issues in this lifetime, we can discover much about what our ancestors struggled with and did not heal. And hopefully, future generations will experience a lighter level of being due to the awareness and shifting of patterns that we are resolving in our own lifetimes.
I wish all of you, less suffering, and more peace, health, joy and freedom in your life!
Lots of love,
Rosemary
That was beautiful Rosemary. You write so beautifully with so much insight and caring. 🙂 xo
Thank you so much Joy. Your comments mean alot to me and you do too! 🙂