“Your real nature as the soul is calmness. By calmness, you allow the soul’s faculty of intuition to guide you to right decisions.”
Paramahansa Yogananda
Dear Friends,
Within the last year, I moved to a community that incorporates a Homeowners Association (HOA). Over the years, I had told myself that I would never live in an area in which I had to answer to someone else in terms of how I live my life or how I want to enhance my home and yard. However, I kept being drawn back to this particular community over and over. I did my research. I talked to a couple people in the HOA and asked neighbors about it. The overall feeling I received was that it was a fairly low-key association and the people seemed approachable overall.
I was partially drawn to this community due to the evergreen trees, deer and beautiful marina. I also liked that it is in an area that has little traffic. I was excited to wake up in the morning and observe deer on my lawn. I love watching them graze and saunter as there is something so peaceful and graceful about these actions.
Fast forward to almost a year later. I have been feeling disappointed that I have not seen many deer around. I had this romantic vision that they would be here every day or a few times a week at least. So far this hasn’t happened. However, a few days ago, I looked out and there was a mom and 2 adolescents on my lawn, and I felt a deep sense of joy. I noticed I felt immediately better about my choice of a living environment.
The next morning, I woke up to a letter from the Home Owners Association, about my garbage can being visible from the street and I was given a warning to move it out of view of the common area (road). I was shocked and a bit miffed honestly, and thought how ridiculous this was. The garbage can sits back quite a way from the road and very difficult to see unless you are driving around the cul-de-sac and straining to see it. So much for the benign HOA!
My reason for sharing the above with you, is that I was able to observe my mind in both the situation with seeing the deer and with the letter from the HOA. When I saw the deer, I felt joy. When I received the letter, well, let’s just say I did not feel joy! And even listened to myself tell a friend about the letter with a few choice words.
Observing so clearly how I went from joy to being pretty ticked off in a span of less than 24 hours was an awakening for me. Every single teacher I have ever worked with has communicated about the benefits of staying neutral, as much as possible, with whatever is occurring in the moment. I have written about this in many of my blogs. And at times, I am able to stay neutral about situations that arise. I have made significant progress in this area overall but obviously I am still a work in progress.
The theory behind staying neutral is that when we get high with a positive emotion, it won’t last. And if we get upset about something, eventually we come back to a better feeling place. The more we vacillate between highs and lows the more we feel like a yo-yo and our adrenals can become exhausted over time creating chronic fatigue and other health issues. Being dependent on something outside of ourselves to bring us joy or make us feel good about our life, sets us up for disappointment, like with my expectations of the deer showing up.
My dogs are wonderful teachers for me. When I have a difficult night and I’m tossing and turning, my dogs stay quiet and peaceful. I often thank them for their ability to do this as I know if the situation was reversed, I wouldn’t be too happy with them most likely. They accept whether we go out for a walk or hang out at home. They certainly have moments of joy and boredom, but they stay present in the moment and aren’t attached to a particular experience to keep them happy and they let go of negative experiences, most often, very quickly.
We are human beings filled with all kinds of emotions about things happening in our lives. I believe even the most adept Spiritual Masters have moments of non-neutrality about life’s experiences. When I shared with a good friend about my extreme emotions over the course of a day, reacting to situations in my life, she said that my sharing was of benefit to her. She was getting ready to take a trip and had experienced herself becoming very attached to the weather and her fear that it was going to rain where she was going. She had been craving the sun and feeling depressed about the cloudy days as many people experience. After sharing my insights about my situations, she said she felt more neutral about whether it rained or not and was able to have a more enjoyable and peaceful experience with her trip.
My friend and I also had quite a bit of fun with the whole garbage can situation, and my dependency on seeing the deer to feel content about living here. If I can find humor in situations and in my reaction to things, I eventually can find my way back to neutrality and peace. I did end up having a good conversation with the HOA manager and he was very nice. He let me know that the form letters are generic and go out for everything. He did apologize to me that it was so harsh sounding and he brainstormed with me on solutions. It still feels like a bit of a silly situation but now I feel light about it and don’t feel like I need to use the other words I was using about how I felt!
I know it can be difficult to stay neutral in certain life dramas, such as facing a serious health crisis either in yourself or in a loved one. And I would never suggest to anyone that they should stay neutral as it is most difficult in these situations. However, if we can talk about our feelings, let others in about what we are experiencing, it can take the edge off whatever we are going through. And when there is less emotion and more neutrality, we can often find answers to questions we have about a particular path such as what treatment should we pursue, if any. Or what is the best way to show up for a friend in need. In addition, we conserve energy that is needed for our personal health and well-being.
I wish all of you peace in your heart, as much as possible, as you go about your days. Life is going to throw us curveballs, garbage (no pun intended), and restless nights. Hang in there through these situations, if you can. Things will change, you just have to give it time. If you have a joyful experience, enjoy it in the moment and then let go of the attachment to needing it to stay that way. Meditation is a wonderful way to observe yourself and find your way back to neutrality and a state of calm. And if all else fails, maybe get a dog or observe your own pup and let them be your teacher on how to live life and help you find your way back to a calmer more peaceful experience.
Namaste,
Rosemary
i am glad this is a practice and not a destination. loved the story…
Loved your feedback. Thank you, Grace.
Thank you for your Earth School insights! And yes, pups are our best teachers! Love & Blessings, Mauria